I'm up late on this one my family 'cause it's important in many ways...what am I talking about? Sex. How it is approached in your relationship is very important and says a lot about who you are as individuals as well as a couple. You ever heard it being said that the foot represents a map of the whole body and the wellness of the body can be indicated by what you see in the foot? Well I think the same concept applies to life on the large scale. If you look at any aspect of a person's life you can get a snap shot of who the person is, what their issues are, their strengths etc. Well I am talking about sex now, so this applies as well. Unfortunately due to society's inability to relate to sex in a way other than secretly and taboo or overtly crude and boorish, we have a lot of issues when it comes to sex as a society. Individually, we have feelings of inadequacy, we have our egos tied up in our sexual prowess, we have wounds from sexual misuse and abuse from those who use sex as a way to exert power over others, we have shame...the list goes on and on. What do we do with all these things? We take them into our relationships that we have with one another and they react. So how do we deal with all of this? Whatever "this" is, the answer is truth, transparency, patience, and understanding. So often issues reveal themselves because we are not communicating when we are going through something, or when something doesn't feel right, or when something is bothering us. Communicating about the issue can be the most difficult part. Why? Because it requires the courage to be honest with yourself about what is going on and then to be courageous enough to share your truth with another. That is a tall order for most of us. It is not easy to do. It requires discipline and a commitment to yourself to be the best of who you are capable of being. Then after such consideration, to display that truth before another takes something special. The act itself should be highly reverenced, respected, and recognized for its significance and the trust and intimacy that it communicates. If we go into our verbal encounters with this frame of mind it will be so much easier to listen and participate with open compassion towards the person that we say that we love, rather than the defensive jousting that often occurs as if we are engaged in a battle with our enemy. I would like to suggest that as we approach our mates in a discussion about sex or as we engage in sexual activity that we think in these terms:
"You nor I are lacking in anything. I dont need you to prove anything to me nor I to you by performing to a certain level. All I desire is an intimate experience with You. It is the spirit of the act, the mutual intimacy and sharing that drives the action...to me that is satisfaction. It's about us. We make it what it is, and what it isn't. "
If this is not where you are in your sexual relationship, you have different goals and objectives in your sexual activities. Explore those and know what they are. Make sure the person you are participating with knows what they are so that you truly are consenting adults. By all means fam, let's keep talking...please share comment, encourage... Peace